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I'd write a real entry but after 4,000 words of editing MarySue of the Opera and about 2500 words of recital dialogue, I am so done expressing myself with text.

Opening Song: Flower Duet

During the end of the song, Papagena wanders in looking lost.

Papagena: Hello? Papageno? Anyone? This place doesn’t look familiar at all. I think I’m lost!

The Evil Pink Flamingo Twins enter at the back of the stage and whisper to each other…

Perky: Come on, stop dawdling!

Pinky: But what if someone sees us? They’re after us!

Perky: No, (pointing to Papagena) she’s before us, so she can’t possibly be after us.

Pinky: Think of the risk we’re running!

Perky: Yes, Running would be risky, since it would look suspicious.

Pinky: She looks suspicious to me.

Perky: So much the better! The more suspicious people there are, the less people will suspect us.

Pinky: (happily and out loud)And we’re the most suspicious of all!

Papagena: Hey, who are you?

Perky: I’m Perky and this is Pinky.

Pinky: and we’re the evil pink flamingo twins!

Perky: No, we’re very good flamingos (flamingo pose)

Song: Downy Jailbirds

End of Song: Downy Jailbirds

Papagena: I know what you are, you’re thieves!

Pinky: (hurt)We’re not thieves, we’re flamingos.

Papagena: Then you’re very bad flamingos.

Perky: No, we’re very good flamingos, see? (the flamingos stand on one leg in the classic flamingo pose)

Papagena: I think I’ll be going now.

Perky: Wait! You’re not from around here. I bet you don’t know the way. We know the way!

Pinky: The way to get into trouble (Perky smacks Pinky)

Papagena: Okay, which way should I go?

Perky: I’m not sure you’d want our help, since you think we’re such bad flamingos.

Pinky: But doesn’t everyone think we’re bad flamingos, Perky?

Perky: Not now, Pinky. I’ll tell you what, if you say that you think we’re good flamingos then there will be no hard feelings and we’ll show you the way.

Papagena: Fine, I think you’re good flamingos

Pinky and Perky: You told a lie! (they padlock her mouth and run of giggling)

Song: Magic Flute Quintet

End of Song: Magic Flute

Papagena: Even with flutes and bells and all that, I’m still not so sure about all of this. We don’t know what’s waiting for us out there!

Song: A Whole New World

End of Song: A Whole New World

Pamina: See, it’s not so bad. We can have some adventures before we go home.

Papagena: I wish I was home already.

Pamina: But don’t you like having freedom?

Papagena: I’d feel a lot more free at home where they don’t padlock you for nothing!

Song: Freedom

End of Song: Freedom

Papagena: Well, we might as well get going. I’d like to finish enjoying my freedom before it gets dark.

(Buttercup enters)

Pamina: Maybe she can tell us the way to go. Excuse me, do you know the way to Sarastro’s land?

Buttercup: I haven’t been there myself, but I think the HMS Pinafore is headed in that direction. If you help me with my basket, you can come on board with me.

(They exit together, during the next song, the palm trees go away and the ship’s wheel is brought on)

Song: HMS Pinafore Opening
End of song: HMS Pinafore Opening

Song: I’m called Little Buttercup

End of Song: I’m called Little Buttercup

Boatswain (pronounced Bosun): Aye little Buttercup, the happiest and most popular person in all of Spithead!

Buttercup: Popular? Happy? Me? May be, for I have dissembled well. But, have you ever thought that beneath a happy and popular exterior there may lurk a canker worm that is slowly but surely eating it’s way into one’s heart?

Boatswain: No, I can’t say I’ve ever thought that.

Deadeye: I’ve thought it! (All recoil from her)

Buttercup: Goodness, what’s the matter with all of you?

Boatswain: Oh don’t mind her, that’s Dana Deadeye.

Deadeye: It’s a beast of a name, isn’t it?

Buttercup: It’s not a nice name.

Deadeye: And they all hate me because of it, for you all hate me, don’t you?

Boatswain: Well, Dana, we wouldn’t want to hurt any fellow creature’s feelings; but you can’t expect a person with a name like Deadeye to be a popular character, now can you?

Deadeye: No.

Boatswain: It’s asking too much, isn’t it?

Deadeye: It is. I may be the best sailor on board ship, but with a name like Deadeye, everything I do and say seem like the depraved actions of a diseased imagination. It’s human nature and I’m resigned to it.

Buttercup: It’s not human nature, it’s total lunacy! A person is a person no matter what their name is!

First Mate Rackstraw: That is also true.

Deadeye: It’s a strange world!

First Mate Rackstraw: Dana Deadeye, I have no desire to press hardly on you, but such a revolutionary sentiment is enough to make an honest sailor shudder.

Boatswain: Hey everyone, our gallant captain is coming on deck. Let us greet her as so brave and popular an officer deserves!


Song: I am the Captain of the Pinafore

End of Song: I am the Captain of the Pinafore

Captain: Today is an important day, everyone. Miss Josephine Porter, the admiral of the fleet is arriving to today to visit our ship. See, her barge approaches, manned by twelve trusty oarsmen and accompanied by the crowd of friends and relatives who accompany her everywhere she goes.

(entrance of Josephine, Hebe, Phoebe and cousins)

Song: I am the Monarch of the Sea

End of Song: I am the Monarch of the Sea


Captain: In honor of your esteemed visit, my sailors have prepared an entertaining musical number.

Song: Honeybun


 
End of Song: Honeybun

Josephine: That was wonderful…

Cousin Hebe: And perfectly timed because we’ve also prepared a song

Cousin Phoebe: In honor our visit to the HMS Pinafore.

Song: I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair

End of Song: I’m Gonna Wash that Man

Josephine: As you can see, we’re all extremely talented.

Hebe: Especially our cousin Phoebe. Why don’t you sing something for them, Phoebe?

Song: When there was me and you

End of Song: When there was me and you

Captain: That was fantastic. You might not know this, but before she became a sailor, Dana Deadeye was a singer.

Song: TBD Kestine Solo

End of Song: TBD Kestine Solo

Josephine: You have a remarkably fine crew, Captain Corcoran.

Captain: Is is a fine crew, Miss Josephine.

Hebe: A British sailor is a splendid person, Captain Corcoran.

Captain: A splendid person indeed, Cousin Hebe.

Phoebe: Never forget they are the bulwarks of England’s greatness, Captain Corcoran.

Captain: So I have always considered them, Cousin Phoebe.

Josephine: No bullying I trust, no strong language of any kind, eh?

Captain: Oh never, Miss Josephine!

Phoebe: What, never?

Captain: Hardly, ever. They are an excellent crew and do their work thoroughly without it.

Hebe: Don’t patronize them, pray, don’t patronize them.

Captain: Certainly not.

Josephine: That you are their captain is an accident of birth. I cannot permit these noble women to be patronized because of an accident of birth.

Captain: I am the last person to insult a British sailor!

Hebe: You are the last person who did. Ask that sailor there to come forward.

Captain: Dana Deadeye, come forward.

Josephine: If what?

Captain: I beg your pardon.

Phoebe: If you please.

Captain: Yes, of course. If you please (sighs)

Josephine: Since you’re a singer, you will be able to teach this the rest of the crew (hands her a piece of paper) It is a song I have composed for the use of the royal navy. It is designed to encourage independence of thought and action in the lower branches of the service, and to teach the principle that a British sailor is anyone’s equal except for ours.

First Mate: (to Leilan) In commemoration of this joyous occasion, see that extra grog is served out to the ship’s company at seven bells.

Sailor Leilan: Beg pardon, if what?

First Mate: If what, I don’t think I understand you.

Sailor Leilan: If you please.

Captain: What!

Josephine: She is quite right, if you please.

First Mate: If you please.

Song: For I hold that on the seas exit music

End of Song: For I hold that on the seas

(All exit except Buttercup, Pamina, Papagena, and Captain.)

Buttercup: I know how to take care of all this nonsense about class and names. You two go and join the others while I put my plan into action.  Just remember to back me up later on.

(Pamina and Papagena leave)

Song: Things are seldom what they seem

End of Song: Things are seldom what they seem

Buttercup: Do you understand me?

Captain: Yes… I mean… no.

(Everyone returns to stage)

Archer: Ah! Miss Josephine is a true lady, courteous and considerate to the very humblest.

First Mate: True, but we are not the very humblest.

Sailor: Miss Josephine has explained our true position to us.

Sailor: As she says, a British sailor is anyone’s equal excepting her own and her cousin’s. 

Sailor: And if Miss Josephine says that, is it not our duty to believe her?

Deadeye: May be, but we all lack birth.

Boatswain: You’ve berth right on board this very ship! 

First Mate: What is to be done with this hopeless girl? Let us have her lead us in the song that Miss Josephine and her esteemed cousins Hebe and Phoebe have kindly composed for us. Perhaps it will bring the miserable creature into the proper state of mind!


Song: A British Tar

End of Song: A British Tar


Buttercup:  Cease your revelry!  I have a confession to make. As you might not know, when I was just a girl, I was a member of the Babysitter’s club.

All: No!

Buttercup: Yes! I had two babies in my charge, one of low condition and the other of high rank. Being young and silly, I mixed the two babies up.

All: No!

Buttercup: Yes! One of those babies was your captain and the other was Dana Deadeye!

All: No!

Josephine: So I am to understand that Deadeye and the Captain where change at birth so the Captain is actually Deadeye and Deadeye is really the captain.

Phoebe: That doesn’t seem very likely to me.

Hebe: It makes no sense at all.

Buttercup: I have witnesses! (Pamina and Papagena raise their hands)

First Mate: Well if there are witnesses, it’s obviously completely true, no matter how implausible it might seem.

(Captain and Deadeye exchange hats)

Josephine: Captain, desire that remarkably fine sailor to step forward.

Deadeye: Corcoran, come here!

Captain: If what? If you please!

Hebe: That’s right, if you please!

Deadeye: If you please!

Phoebe: So it seems that all along you were Deadeye and Deadeye was you.

Captain: So it would seem.

Buttercup: And now your name is Deadeye, all the sailors will be obliged to hate you for it, because as you know, a person named Deadeye can hardly be considered a popular character.

Everyone: Oh no!

Buttercup: You mean you wouldn’t hate your former captain just because her name is now Deadeye?

Everyone: Oh no!

Buttercup: Then what have we learned today?

Boatswain: We have learned that everyone is all right, as long as they’re English!

Song: She is an Englishman

End of Song: She is an Englishman

Perky: Hey, those two aren’t English!

Papagena: Well, neither are you!

Pinky: But we have flags!

Josephine: It’s true they do have flags.

Bosun: And they’ve chosen to have English flags, which speaks very highly of their character.

Deadeye: But remember, we’ve learned not to judge people based on things like that!

Captain: I thought we learned that everybody should be English.

Cousin Hebe: Precisely right, everyone should be English.

Cousin Phoebe: I think that means you two had better leave.

Buttercup: I don’t know why I even try. I really don’t.

First Mate Rackstraw: We’ll just set you on shore here, wherever here is, and if you ever decide to become English, be sure to let us know!

Everyone waves goodbye and changes the scene as the dialogue continues except for Deadeye and Buttercup who “facepalm” then leave talking together. The ship’s wheel is taken off, the palms are brought on and the castle gate comes in.

Perky: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?

Pinky: I think so Pinky but how would we make “Springtime for Hitler” fit into the plot?

Perky: Pinky! Focus! Our enemies are alone. Now is the time to strike!

They start to attack but Pamina brandishes the flute

Pinky: Now is the time to run away! (they exit)

Pamina: Where are we? I don’t recognize this place at all.

Papagena: This place is giving me the creeps, let’s get out of here! (she tries to run off but is stopped by the spirits)

Song: I Whistle a Happy Tune

End of Song: I Whistle a Happy Tune

Pamina: See? It’s not so bad as all that. We can do this!

(Papageno enters)

Papagena: You’re right! Wait a minute, who is that? (starts trying to whistle) It’s not working!

Papageno: The Birdcatcher’s Song

End of Birdcatcher’s Song

Papagena: Papageno! I’ve finally found you!

Papageno: You mean that I’ve found you. Everyone’s been worried sick. Why did you wander off anyway?

Papagena: I didn’t mean to, it was the evil pink flamingo twins who caused all the trouble!

Papageno: Evil pink flamingo twins? I know how to take care of them,  all I need is a bigger net. Come with me!
 (They exit)

(The Queen enters with her handmaidens, singing)

Song: V’adoro pupille

End of Song: V’adoro pupille

Queen: Pamina’s been away for a long time and I’m getting worried. Sing me a song to take my mind off it.

Song: Ach ich fuhl’s

End of Song: Ach ich fuhl’s

Lindsay: It’s getting late, we’d better get going if we want to reach Sarastro’s palace.

(They exit)

(Enter Papagena followed by Pinky and Perky followed by Pamina and Papageno with the net)

Papagena: Here I am, all by myself, I sure hope that I don’t run into any flamingos.

Pinky: Evil pink flamingo twin powers, activate!

Perky: How many times do I have to tell you that we don’t have superpowers. Let’s just get her!

Papageno: Not so fast! (opens his net) Whenever I open my net, all the birds fly into it.

Pinky and Perky are compelled like zombies towards the net

Perky: No, it’s not fair you can’t do this to us!

Pinky: I’m too pink to die!

They go into the net and pout

Sarastro enters with the Queen, ladies, handmaidens, spirits and Pinafore crew

Queen: Pamina! (Pamina runs to her and hugs her) I thought you’d never get here!

Pamina:  I got a little sidetracked because of those dreadful flamingos!

Sarastro: Here in my realm, no one is dreadful.
Deadeye: Well put. In this place my crew has finally understood that all people deserve to be treated fairly, even if they aren’t English.

Song: Within these holy portals

End of Song: Within these holy portals.

Sarastro: Just because I believe in fairness and love doesn’t mean I can let you two get away with making trouble. What do you have to say for yourselves?

Song: What the Dicky Birds Say

End of Song: What the Dicky Birds Say

Sarastro: Do you both promise that from now on, the Dickey Birds are going to tell you to be very good flamingos?

Pinky: But we are good flamingos…

Perky: What she means is that we were always good on the inside and we’ll be good on the outside too from now on.

Queen: Then let’s celebrate with songs. My handmaidens will entertain us with Tomorrow and Castle on a Cloud.


Song: Tomorrow
Song: Castle on a Cloud

End of Song: Castle on a Cloud

 Sarastro: And now we’ve finished our adventure and it’s time to leave.

Papagena: I wish we could go back and do it again!

Pamina: Don’t worry, we’ll have another adventure soon enough.

Papageno: Mostly likely in December!

Josephine Porter: That’s seems pretty far away.

Lady: It will be here sooner than you think, and we can always dream about it until then!

Song: Any Dream Will Do
 
FIN

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Tytania Strange

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